ADAD Roger Rabbit

ADAD_Roger Rabbit

Quotes and Lines spoken by Roger Rabbit.


Who Framed Roger Rabbit?

  • My whole purpose in life is to... make... people... laugh!
  • Is there nothing that can permeate your impervious puss? Hey, Eddie!
  • No. Not at any time. Only when it was funny. Bl-bl-bl-! [jumps away as Eddie tries to hit him and spins in a chair] C'mon, Eddie! Where's your sense of humor?
  • 2 BITS!!
  • No, thanks, Eddie. I'm tryin' to cut down.
  • But I don't want the drink!
  • I don't!
  • I don't!
  • I don't!
  • I don't!
  • I do!
  • I do!
  • [takes the drink] Listen! When I say "I do", that means I do!
  • Yeah. Check the probate. Why, my Uncle Thumper had a problem with HIS probate, and he had to take these big pills, and drink lots of water.
  • Nobody. Not a soul, except, uh...
  • Well, you see, I didn't know where your office was. So I asked the newsboy. He didn't know. So I asked the fireman, the green grocerer, the butcher, the baker, they didn't know! But the liquor store guy... he knew.
  • [as Eddie's attempting to push him out of his office] P-p-please, Eddie! Don't throw me out. Don't you realize you're making a big mistake? I didn't kill anybody. I swear! The whole thing's a set up. A scam, a frame job. Ow! Eddie, I could never hurt anybody. Oow! My whole purpose in life is to make... people... laugh!
  • But I'm a toon. Toons are supposed to make people laugh.
  • You don't understand. Those people needed to laugh.
  • Not Angelo. He'd never turn me in.
  • That's right! A laugh can be a very powerful thing. Why, sometimes in life, it's the only weapon we have.
  • [after bursting in through the drain, holding a gun] Okay, nobody move! All right, you weasels, grab some sky or I let the judge have it. You heard me, I said drop it!
  • That's right, my dear. I'd love to embrace you, but first, I have to satisfy my sense of moral outrage.
  • That's it, Doom. Give me another excuse to pump you full of lead. So you thought you could get away with it, didn't you? Ha! We toons may act idiotic, but we're not stupid. We demand justice. Why, the real meaning of the word probably hits you like a ton of bricks.

[a ton of bricks falls on Roger from above]

  • [Stars circle around Roger's head] Look, stars! Ready when you are, Raoul.
  • No, not at any time, only when it was funny.
  • A tweeting bird.
  • I told you so.
  • Nose!
  • Benny, is that you?
  • [Noticing Benny, injured from the Dip he drove through spilled onto the Road] Benny, is that you?
  • Jumpin' Jeepers.
  • Gee, I don't know [sees that they're heading for... ] A BRIDGE!
  • What are we gonna do, Eddie? What are we gonna do, Eddie? What are we gonna do?
  • P-p-please, don't mind me.
  • Hide me Eddie... PLLLEASE. [Jumps into the Drawers] Remember you never saw me.
  • Boy, what is this, some kind of secret room?
  • Oh, I get it, a speakeasy, a gin mill, a hooch parlor.
  • [looking at photo on desk] Yeah, where is your brother anyway? He looks like a sensitive and... SOBER fellow.
  • [leaving] Go ahead. Call the cops. I come here for help and what do you do? Yo turn me in. No, don't feel guilty about me. So long, and thanks for nothing. [slams door]
  • Come on, Eddie, get in!
  • But I wanna drive.
  • Jeepers, Eddie. That was swell. You saved my life. How can I ever repay ya?
  • P-p-please, Raoul. I can give you stars. Just drop the refrigerator on my head one more time!
  • I can take it, don't worry about me.
  • But I can give you stars, Look! [Raoul storms out, not payimg any attention to Roger slapping a Frying Pan on his head]
  • Dames? What dames? [Angrily grabbing Eddie by the lapels] Jessica's the only one for me. You'll see. We'll rise above this piddling pecadillo. We're gonna be happy again. You got that? Happy. Capital H-A-P-P-I. [Runs through window]
  • Is there nothing that can permeate that impervious puss?
  • [as Eddie's performance causes the Toon Patrol to literally die of laughter] Keep it up, Eddie. You're killing 'em. You're slaying 'em! You're knocking 'em DEAD!
  • Benny, you go to the cops. I'm gonna save my wife.
  • [Struggling to open a Nearby Window] Wouldn't you know? Locked! [Roger presses his hand against the window and slips, landing into a Toilet that sucks him through]
  • What could have possibly happen to you to turn you into such a sourpuss?
  • A toon? No!
  • It's not so bad, once you get used to it.
  • No! Not my Jessica! Not pattycake! It can't be! It just can't be! Jessica's my wife! It's absolutely impossible! Jessica's the love of my life. The apple of my eye. The cream in my coffee.
  • Was I really?
  • That's right! I knew that she was just an innocent victim of circumstance.
  • Lipstick, yes. Mirror, no. I found a nice, clean piece of paper. [reading] "Dear Jessica: How do I love thee? Let me count the ways. One one-thousand. Two one-thousand. Three one-thousand. Four one-thousand. Five...?
  • [In the Movie Theatre] Boy, did you see that? Nobody takes a wallop like Goofy. What timing! What finesse! What a genius!
  • Say, Eddie. That sure was a funny dance you did for the weasels. Do you think your days of being a sourpuss are over?
  • Yeah, well... put 'er there, pal. [They shake hands; Eddie gets shocked by buzzer on Roger's hand; he glowers at Roger] Don't tell me you lost your sense of humor already?
  • Sure thing, Eddie. "Dear Jessica: How do I love thee? Let me count the ways. I, Marvin Acme, of sound mind and body...? It's the will!
  • "... do hereby bequeath, in perpetuity, the property known as Toontown, to those lovable characters, the toons"!
  • [as he dances on the bar's counter top] Woo-hoo-hoo! Nice shirt. Who's your tailor? Quasimodo? Woo-hoo!
  • Yeah, and you're also the one who helped all these toons. Everyone knows that when a toon's in trouble, there's only one place to go: Valiant & Valiant.
  • P-p-please, Eddie. You know there's no justice for toons anymore. If the weasels get their hands on me, I'm as good as dipped.
  • Oh, Love Cup.
  • I don't think so.
  • I just don't believe it. I won't believe it. I can't believe it. I shan't believe it.
  • Which one?
  • Listen, my philosophy is this: If you don't have a good sense of humor, you're better off dead.
  • What is it, Eddie?
  • Mister Acme's will!
  • Why, I resent that innuendo!
  • [Crying] No wonder you hate me. If a toon killed my brother, I'd hate me too.
  • Yes, you do.
  • You do hate me. Otherwise, you wouldn't have yanked my ears all those times.
  • All the times you yanked my ears?
  • P-p-please! Don't worry. Whatever you say. Yes, ma'am. Aye-aye, sir. Okey-dokey. Why, I'll take care of him like he was my own brother. Or my own sister. [Hits face on door] Ow! Or my brother's sister. Or my second cousin...
  • Let's forget it, there's nobody here!
  • P-p-p-p-please! Me, scared? Don't be ridiculous! [teeth chatter]
  • Jeepers, another stupid newsreel! I hate the news!
  • [to Jessica, after they are almost killed] I wasn't worried, were you?
  • When you called Maroon, you told him you had the will, but you don't. When he finds out, he's gonna be mad! He might try to kill ya.
  • Yeah, that's it, beep the horn twice. Cover your back. Boy, I'm ready: dukes up, eyes peeled, ears to the ground. Why, nobody gets the drop on Roger Rabbit! [a frying pan is held above his head from behind; it slams down on his head, knocking the rabbit out cold, after which the assailant drags Roger around behind the wall]
  • [Emerges from the closet and slaps cuffs on Eddie] Eddie Valiant, you're under arrest! Pbbbbbbbbb...
  • Oh Jessica, please tell me it's not true. [sobbing] [the pictures are of Roger and Jessica's wedding, them at a beach, and them hugging at a restaurant booth] [sobs] P-p-p-please.
  • [smirks at Eddie] I told ya so.


Roger Rabbit 2

All New House of Mouse

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