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Prologue: The Guest Star's dressing room

Scooter: [Knocking On Door 5 Times] "(Guest Star's Name), oh, (Guest Star's Name), 18 2nds 'til curtain, Mr. (Guest Star's Last Name)."

Guest Star: "Thanks a bunch, Scooter, I'll be with you guys in a jiffy."

Scooter: "That's good, but, hey, there are pillows and pajama clothes on your dresser stand."

Guest Star: "I guess I'm prepared for the sleepover party in this theater."

Cut to Kermit appearing right through The All-New Muppet Show logo......

Kermit: "It's The All-New Muppet Show, with our very special guest star, Mr. Steve Zahn, yaaaaay!"

[The All-New Muppet Show Theme Music In Background]

Rowlf: [Playing On Piano Keys]

Female Muppet friends: It's time to play the music, it's time to light the lights, it's time to meet the Muppets on The All-New Muppet Show tonight

Male Muppet friends: it's time to put on make-up, it's time to dress up right, it's time to raise the curtain on The All-New Muppet Show tonight

Waldorf: why do we always come here?

Statler: I guess we'll never know

Waldorf: it's like some kind of torture

Statler and Waldorf: to have to watch the show

[Music Continues In Background]

Kermit: and now let's get things started

Miss Piggy: why don't you get things started

Kermit and Muppet friends: it's time to get things started on the most sensational, inspirational, celebrational, Muppetational, this is what we call The All-New Muppet Show...........

Gonzo's trumpet sprays confetti out all over the place.

Scene 1: Onstage/the introduction 

Kermit: "Thank you, everybody, and welcome again to The All-New Muppet Show, that's exactly right, tonight's a very special sleepover party night 'cause our special guest is Mr. (Guest Star's Name), but 1st, we have an opening musical number."

Scooter shows up onstage.

Scooter: "Hey, Kermit, just for you to know, Tim and I are preparing the sleepover party snack foods."

Kermit: (looking at what the Swedish Chef is doing) "Oh good, (Scooter exits the stage and leaves.) anyway, here's my nephew, Robin for the opening musical number."

Opening Musical Number: In My Book

[Music In Background]

Robin: There's a tiger in my book
and a lion in my book
there's a sneaky alligator I can spy on
In my book
sometimes all I need
is a book to read

Robin (continued): there are pirates in my book
on an ocean in my book
there's a sorcerer with secret magic potions
in my book
and to learn where the story will lead
I just read

Robin: on a quiet day
I could go outside and play
but there's adventure in my book
so exciting in my book
turn the pages
see the pictures
read the writing in my book
yes sometimes all I need
Is a book to read

[Music Ends]

Cut to Statler and Waldorf in the balcony.....

Waldorf: "You know, Statler, the only books I like reading are mystery solving books."

Statler: "Oh really? well I like reading fictional fantasies myself."

Waldorf: "Speed reading!"

Statler and Waldorf: [Laughing Uncontrollably]

Cut back to Kermit in his office backstage.......

Kermit: "Let's see what's next."

Kermit looks right at the list of sketch numbers.

Kermit: "Bear on Patrol is next, Bear on Patrol is next onstage, everybody."

Bear on Patrol sketch number: Smashing a grocery store window

Announcer: "And now, ridding the world of evil, here comes Bear on Patrol."

Fozzie/Patrol Bear: "Okay, just a little more further, right this way, perfect."

Fozzie/Patrol Bear and Chip stop right by Link Hogthrob/Officer Hogthrob's desk.

Link Hogthrob/Officer Hogthrob: "What seems to be the trouble here, Patrol Bear?"

Fozzie/Patrol Bear: "This young man was caught smashing a grocery store window."

Link/Hogthrob/Officer Hogthrob: "Oh yeah, I see, tell me your name, please."

Chip: "I'm Chip, and I'm innocent, I didn't smash that grocery store window, there was a burglary there."

Link Hogthrob/Officer Hogthrob: "Let me check the guilty and innocent list."

Link Hogthrob/Officer Hogthrob scans right through the innocent list and sees Chip's name written on here.

Link Hogthrob/Officer Hogthrob: "Well, Chip, you're innocent after all, in that case, Patrol Bear, you can let him go right now."

Fozzie/Patrol Bear: "Yes, Officer Hogthrob, sir."

Chip: "Oh thanks a bunch."

Talk Spot

Kermit: "So, {Guest Star's 1st Name), what do you like to do during sleepover parties?"

Guest Star: "Well, Kermit, I like watching movies with snack foods right in front of the television screen, listening to karaoke dance off music and spending the entire night in my sleeping bag, what do you like most about sleepover parties?"

Kermit: "Well, I like playing Simon Says, Guess Who, Sardines, which is another term for hide and seek and Monkey See, Monkey Do."

Guest Star: "Those sound like super interesting games to play during sleepover parties."

The Swedish Chef Sketch number: Meatloaf

Swedish Chef: Yorn desh born, der ritt de gitt der gue,

orn desh, dee born desh,

de umn

bork, bork, bork

Swedish Chef: "Tuneeght, ve-a're-a mekeeng meetlueff, yoommy guud, it is."

Swedish Chef: "Furst, ve-a preheet zee oofee tu three-a hoondred und feeffty degrees Fehrenheeet." 

The Swedish Chef preheats the oven to 350 degrees fahrenheit.  

Swedish Chef: "Next, ve-a get oooot a lerge-a meexing bool."   

The Swedish Chef gets out a large mixing bowl and sets it right on the counter.   

Swedish Chef: "Furst, ve-a poot in oone-a puoond ooff leun gruoond beeff."   

The Swedish Chef puts 1 pound of lean ground beef in the mixing bowl.   

Swedish Chef: "Next, ve-a poot tvu lerge-a iggs in zee meexing bool."   

The Swedish Chef puts 2 large eggs in the mixing bowl by cracking them without dropping the egg shells right into the mixture.   

Swedish Chef: "Next, ve-a poot oone-a helff coop ooff culd meelk in zee meexing bool."   

The Swedish Chef puts 1/2 cup of cold milk in the mixing bowl with the other meatloaf ingredients.   

Swedish Chef: "Next, ve-a poot in oone-a coop ooff prugressu Itelleeun style-a breed croombs."   

The Swedish Chef puts in 1 cup of progresso Itallian style bread crumbs.   

Swedish Chef: "Lest boot nut leest, oone-a fuoort coop ooff feenely chupped vheete-a ooneeun."   

The Swedish Chef puts in 1/4 cup of finely chopped white onion in the mixing bowl with the other meatloaf ingredients.

Swedish Chef: "Noo ve-a meex up oooor ingredeeents."

The Swedish Chef mixes up the meatloaf ingredients 'til they're all mixed up.

Swedish Chef: "Noo ve-a poot zee meetlueff meextoore-a intu zee breed pun."

The Swedish Chef puts the meatloaf mixture into the bread pan and spreads it out perfectly.

Swedish Chef: "Next, ve-a spreed sume-a ketchoop oon zee tup pert."

The Swedish Chef spreads some ketchup on the top part of the meatloaf.

Swedish Chef: "Noo ve-a beke-a it in zee oofee fur tventy meenootes."

The Swedish Chef bakes the meatloaf in the oven for 20 minutes.

[Timer Clock Ticking]

[Ding!]

The Swedish Chef puts on his oven mits and takes the meatloaf outta the oven and puts it right on the counter and prepares it on a serving plate on the counter.

Swedish Chef: "Und zeere-a yuoo hefe-a it, yoommy guud meetlueff."

The meatloaf comes to life.

Talking Meatloaf: "I couldn't even agree more."

Swedish Chef: "Vhet zee hey?"

Cut to Statler and Waldorf in the balcony again......

Waldorf: "Well, Statler, no meatloaf can make real good jokes."

Statler: "I agree with you here, Waldorf."

Waldorf: "They keep getting meatier than before!"

Statler and Waldorf: [Laughing Uncontrollably Again]

Cut back to Kermit in his office backstage again......

Kermit: "Pigs in Space is next, Pigs in Space is next onstage, everybody."

Pigs in Space sketch number: The Music Maker 400 

Announcer: "And now it's time for Pigs in Spaaaaace, starring Captain Link Hogthrob, 1st Mate Piggy and the wise cracking scientific genius, Dr. Strangepork, where we last left our heroes aboard the Swine Trek."

Link Hogthrob: "Another day and not 1 single space monster invasion."

Miss Piggy/1st Mate Piggy: "I couldn't agree with you more."

Dr. Strangepork: "Behold, check it out, you guys, my new invention: the Music Maker 400."

Link Hogthrob: "How wonderful, Dr. Strangepork, what exactly does it do?"

Dr. Strangepork: "When I push the green button, it turns the music on, and when I push the red button, it turns the music off, observe and watch."

Dr. Strangepork pushes the green button on the Music Maker 400.

[Instrumental Version Of Rainbow Connection]

Miss Piggy/1st Mate Piggy: "Fascinating."

Dr. Strangepork pushes the red button and turns off the Music Maker 400.

Dr. Strangepork: "Yep, and there you have it."

Announcer: "Will Link Hogthrob ever discover a space monster invasion? will Dr. Strangepork invent something that can destroy asteroids? does 1st Mate Piggy ever keep on the look out? find out on the next exciting episode of Pigs in Spaaaaaace."

Muppet News Flash: An outbreak of Cluckitis

Newsman (off screen): "Here's a Muppet News Flash."

The Newsman sits right at his desk.

Newsman: "This morning, there was an outbreak of cluckitis all around the entire universe causing everybody to slowly transform into chickens right after 1 single sneeze."

Newsman: [Sneezes Lightly]

Chicken Newsman: "I think I spoke too soon."

Cut back to Kermit in his office backstage again......

Kermit: "Veterinarian's Hospital is next, Veterinarian's Hospital is next onstage, everybody."

Veterinarian's Hospital sketch number: Beautiful Day Monster as the patient

Announcer: "And now, Veterinarian's Hospital, the continuing story of a quack who's gone to the dogs."

Rowlf/Dr. Bob: "And just as I was walkin' around in the wilderness, I went right through this cave, and I saw these crazy cave drawings."

Janice/Nurse Janice: "Oh, Dr Bob, you and your cave jokes."

Miss Piggy/Nurse Piggy: "So who's our patient this time, Dr. Bob?"

Rowlf/Dr. Bob: "Behold, Nurse Piggy, observe and watch."

Rowlf/Dr. Bob pulls back the corner of the green quilt to reveal Beautiful Day Monster as their patient.

Beautiful Day Monster: "My hips and shoulders are in so much pain tonight."

Janice/Nurse Janice: "Oh wow, like, what happened to you here?"

Beautiful Day Monster: "I was doing my aerobic exercise moves to get me moving, but then I sprained both my hips and both my shoulders."

Rowlf/Dr. Bob: "Well that's you all over."

Announcer: "Does Nurse Piggy know what she's doing? will Nurse Janice ever pay attention to her surroundings? does Dr. Bob still have his pay checks? tune in next week when you hear Nurse Piggy say-"

Miss Piggy/Nurse Piggy: "So, Dr. Bob, is there anything you wanna say about this patient?"

Rowlf/Dr. Bob: "Well, Nurse Piggy, let's just say he's a bit sore around the furs."

Cut to Statler and Waldorf in the balcony again.......

Statler: "Beautiful Day Monster should've gone exercising on a stationary bike."

Waldorf: "Yeah? well Beautiful Day Monster should've been using a treadmill."

Statler: "Much better than aerobic exercises!"

Statler and Waldorf: [Laughing Uncontrollably Again]

Cut back to Kermit in his office backstage again........

Kermit: "Muppet Sports is next, Muppet Sports is next onstage, everybody."

Muppet Sports sketch number: Cream pie toss

Louis Kazagger: "Hello, sports fans, welcome to another day of Muppet Sports, where we play all of our most favorite sports games, today's sport is a cream pie toss, every single contestant must throw some cream pies at those red and blue targets in order to win the game, ready? set? go!"

Fozzie, Gonzo, Scooter, Walter, Beauregard and Rowlf throw the strawberry, banana and chocolate cream pies at the targets and Walter wins the game.

Louis Kazagger: "And Walter's the winner!"

Walter: "Alright, I won the game, I must have big powerful arms."

Cut to Statler and Waldorf in the balcony again.......

Statler: "I hope they didn't ruin another 1 of our most favorite dessert meals."

Waldorf: "So do I."

Statler and Waldorf: [Laughing Uncontrollably Again]

Cut back to Kermit in his office backstage once again......

Kermit: "Muppet Labs is next, Muppet Labs is next onstage, everybody."

Muppet Labs sketch number: Story Teller 300

[Clock Ticking]

[Muppet Labs Theme Music In Background]

Bunsen: "Dr. Bunsen Honeydew, here at Muppet Labs where the future is being made today."

(Brief pause)

Bunsen: "That's exactly right, we're testing out our new invention: the Story Teller 300."

(Another brief pause)

Bunsen: "Have you been bored with hearing the exact same bedtime stories at your house? well, the Story Teller 300 is just the thing, which of course, my faithful assistant, Beaker, will now demonstrate, now come on over here, please, Beaker."

Beaker: "Mee, mee, mo, mee."

Bunsen: "Now, Beaker, just sit right under this machine and relax, I'll turn it on."

Beaker sits right under the Story Teller 300.

Bunsen: (right after he turns on the Story Teller 300) "Observe and watch."

Story Teller 300: And so the 3 little pigs and the big good wolf played together as always and lived cheerfully ever after.

Bunsen: "And there you have it."

Beaker suddenly falls asleep.

Bunsen: "Oh well, easy come, and easy goes, well, that's all the time we have left for tonight, join us next time, at Muppet Labs, where the future is being made today."

Cut to Statler and Waldorf in the balcony again.......

Waldorf: "I'd be more relaxed with a story telling machine like that."

Statler: "So would I."

Waldorf: "Bored stiff!"

Statler and Waldorf: [Laughing Uncontrollably Again]

Cut back to Kermit onstage.......

Kermit: "Okay, everybody, it's now time for the closing musical number."

Closing Musical Number: Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds

[Music in background]

Kermit: Picture yourself in a boat on a river

with tangerine trees

and marmalade skies

Fozzie: somebody calls you

you answer quite slowly

a girl with kaleidoscope eyes

Gonzo: cellophane flowers of yellow and green

towering over your head

look for the girl

with the sun in her eyes

and she's gone

[Music In Tempo]

Beauregard: Lucy in the sky with diamonds

Lucy in the sky with diamonds

Lucy in the sky with diamonds

aaaaaah

Walter: follow her down to a bridge by a fountain

where rocking horse people

eat marshmallow pies

Scooter: everyone smiles

as you drift past the flowers

that grow so incredibly high

Kermit: newspaper taxis appear on the shore

waiting to take you away

climb in the back with your head in the clouds

and you're gone

Gonzo: Lucy in the sky with diamonds

Lucy in the sky with diamonds

Lucy in the sky with diamonds

aaaaaaaah

Fozzie: picture yourself on a train in a station

with plasticine porters

with looking glass ties

suddenly someone is there at the turnstile

the girl with the kaleidoscope eyes

Scooter: Lucy in the sky with diamonds

Lucy in the sky with diamonds

Lucy in the sky with diamonds

aaaaaaaah

Fozzie: Lucy in the sky with diamonds

Lucy in the sky with diamonds

Lucy in the sky with diamonds

aaaaaaah

Walter: Lucy in the sky with diamonds

Lucy in the sky with diamonds

Lucy in the sky with diamonds

[Music Fades Away]

Cut to Statler and Waldorf in the balcony once again.......

Statler: "I remember dreaming about taking a trip to Candy Land."

Waldorf: "And I remember dreaming about fighting against an army of space pirates."

Statler: "Dream on big!"

Statler and Waldorf: [Laughing Uncontrollably Once Again]

Scene 2: Back onstage/welcoming the Guest Star

Kermit: "Thank you, everybody, you've all been such a wonderful audience this evening, but right before we go back home to get our beauty sleep, let's give a nice warm welcome to Mr. (Guest Star's Name), yaaaaaay!"

The Guest Star arrives out onstage........

Guest Star: "Hey, thanks a bunch, it's been such an honor having this sleepover party and being on the show with you guys."

Scooter: "We know, and by the way, it's getting pretty late around here."

Kermit: "Well, it's now time for all of us to get some beauty sleep and turn in for the entire night."

Gonzo: "Time for the lights to go out and the night lamps to shine brightly."

Kermit: "Goodnight, everybody, we'll see you next time on The All-New Muppet Show."

End Production Credits

Voice Performers Credits

Steve Whitmire

Eric Jacobson

Dave Goelz

Bill Barretta

Matt Vogel

David Rudman

Louise Gold

Stephanie D’Abruzzo

Alice Dinnean Vernon

Tyler Bunch

Ryan Dillon

Peter Linz

Brian Henson

  

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