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This article is a transcript of the Weird World: The TV Show episode "Who's That Man?" from season one, which aired on July 26, 2019.

  • (the episode begins with George in his purple Moncler coat polishing one of Lambert's wheels in the garage)
  • George Jacqueline: Ahh. Perfect.
  • (Stephanie enters still in her pyjamas with a bowl of cereal)
  • Stephanie: Morning, dude.
  • George Jacqueline: Oh, hey Steph.
  • Stephanie: What are you doing?
  • George Jacqueline: What I always do on Thursdays - take an early morning drive around the city. In Lambert. So, I'm just giving him a quick polish before I go.
  • Stephanie: Well, stay safe then, dude.
  • George Jacqueline: I will.
  • (cuts to George turning on the radio which plays Pump Up the Volume by M|A|R|R|S, he gets into Lambert, starts the engine and gets his seatbelt on, then he drives Lambert into the garage door, which is still shut; music pauses)
  • George Jacqueline: Oh, I forgot to open the garage door.
  • (George gets a controller and presses a button to open the garage door, the music resumes, George throws the controller away and he drives out of the garage and into Rainbow City)
  • (George passes Carl and Neil)
  • George Jacqueline: Morning, Carl. Morning Neil.
  • Carl and Neil: Morning, George.
  • (George passes Gearny and Sweetheart at Fluffy Florists)
  • George Jacqueline: Morning, Sweetheart, Gearny.
  • Gearny: Morning, George.
  • Sweetheart: Hey, George.
  • (George passes Eugene Mixer on his way to find the other construction workers)
  • George Jacqueline: Morning, Eugene Mixer. Off to find the other construction workers? You'll have to hurry or you'll get fired or maybe even cubed in your own concrete. *Laughs*
  • Eugene Mixer: (makes intelligible sounds; subtitiles translate into "Cheeky!")
  • George Jacqueline: Right back at you too!
  • (George turns a corner past some more citizens and some shops and houses, then he turns into an empty backalley)
  • George Jacqueline: Man, a Thursday morning drive is so...
  • (a dark shadow runs past George and he breaks)
  • George Jacqueline: Hello? Anyone, there? Hmm. Must be seeing things.
  • (George drives out of the backalley and back onto the main road)
  • George Jacqueline: Like I said, a Thursday morning drive is so rela...
  • (the dark shadow lurks past George and runs off again)
  • George Jacqueline: I'm not seeing things. There is something fishy going on here. And it's not the scent of the tasty tuna soup in Static's Soup Shop.
  • (George passes Static's Soup Shop)
  • George Jacqueline: Might stop by for lunch later. Huh? Is that a black box?
  • (George sees Kylie, a walking black box)
  • George Jacqueline: No. Well, yes it is, but specifically, it's my childhood friend Kylie. Yo, Kylie!
  • Kylie: Huh? George!
  • (George passes her and Kylie waves)
  • George Jacqueline: Man, we had some good times. *Gasps* And is that an ivory tower?
  • (George stops next to a tower made of ivory and next to it, is a factory where things are made from ivory and George looks through the factory window and sees a box of of elephant's tusks)
  • George Jacqueline: Oh my flipping flopping gosh! Their still killing elephants! I'm driving off.
  • (George drives off)
  • George Jacqueline: *Gasps* And there's a fork in the road!
  • (there's a fork in the road)
  • George Jacqueline: George, you can just drive past it. Thanks for the tip. Don't mention it. I already did.
  • (George nearly drives past the fork, but the dark shadow passes him again, he gets startle and one of Lambert's back tires gets punctured by the fork and George starts loosing control)
  • George Jacqueline: Woah! Oh, my!
  • (the back of Lambert hits some cans of grease, causing them to spill and go all over his back tires)
  • (Lambert starts sliding on the road and George can't control him)
  • (George drives Lambert into another backalley)
  • George Jacqueline: How can I sto...
  • (George drives into a man in a cloak, who falls over, George finally stops, gets out Lambert and runs to the man)
  • Man: *Groans*
  • George Jacqueline: Oh, my God! Sir, I am ever so sorry. I had a bit of an accident with a fork in the road and some grease.
  • Man: (his eyes open) No, it... it's alright lad.
  • (George gets startled)
  • George Jacqueline: Disturbing! Just cue the theme tune! (falls back)
  • (cut to theme tune)
  • (George gets up and shakes a bit, but then sees a cane coming out of the man's cloak, so George gets out of Lambert and slowly helps the man get up)
  • George Jacqueline: You OK, sir?
  • Man: Yeah. Thanks.
  • George Jacqueline: You're welcome Mr... Erm...
  • Man: Call me Reg.
  • George Jacqueline: OK... Reg. You know, that name sounds so familiar. Anyway, what are you doing walking around the streets and... why are you wearing that cloak?
  • Reg: I've lived around the backallies and on the streets of Rainbow City for years. And this cloak is to help me hide my identity. It's top secret, OK?
  • George Jacqueline: OK. I won't say a word to anyone.
  • Reg: Thank you, Mr. erm...
  • George Jacqueline: Name's George. George Aaron Jacqueline.
  • Reg: Yes, I know you. You're the one who saved Rainbow City and brought back The Extraordinary Eight's name.
  • George Jacqueline: And I joined them. I'm also a DJ, songwriter, producer and occasional singer. I'm not great at singing. I mean I'm not exactly Michael Jackson am I?
  • Reg: *Chuckles* I'll say this, you're funny.
  • George Jacqueline: I try. Not too hard.
  • Reg: Tell me, more about yourself.
  • George Jacqueline: Well... I love working as a DJ and producer. I'm 28 years old. I'm a type of species called the Humanoid Bombhead. My birthday's... Wait a minute. (looks at the viewers) I said all this before, didn't I? I'll tell you the rest later. Wait... are you the one who kept rushing about and made it look like you were a dark shadow?
  • Reg: Again, don't tell anyone, but yes.
  • George Jacqueline: Why? Why do you hang out in the backallies alone, with a cloak surrounding youself, where I can't see any part of you but you're eyes? *Whispers to the viewers* Creepy.
  • Reg: You really want to know?
  • George Jacqueline: Yes.
  • Reg: Well, it happened sometime in the 90s.
  • (about to cut to a flashback, but Reg stops it)
  • Reg: Hey, no flashbacks!  *Whispers* Spoilers. OK, I'll show a few as we go through. As I was saying, it happened in 1991... I think. 
  • (flashback shows Reg in the rain wearing three pitch black coats)
  • Reg: It was night time and I was on my way home. It was wet, dark and very cloudly. The rain was pouring down.
  • (cut to the present)
  • Reg: I had to wear three coats to keep myself dry, because I didn't own an umbrella.
  • (George gets a box of popcorn and eats the popcorn and grabs a bottle of vodka and drinks some)
  • Reg: I walked along the streets. I was alone. In fact the street was empty and there were very few cars on the road. Then, I decided to take a shortcut home.
  • (cut to another flashback)
  • Reg: I started to cross the road, making sure there weren't any vehicles coming. Then... it happened.
  • (cut to the present)
  • George Jacqueline: What?
  • (cut to another flashback)
  • Reg: A car, or something, I don't know... memory of situation drains out a lot... a vehicle came towards me. Now here's two problems. I had headphones on, so I couldn't hear anything. And the vehicle didn't see me, because my three coats were black and I had no bright clothes on. And know what happened next?
  • George Jacqueline: The vehicle took the next right?
  • Reg: No.
  • George Jacqueline: You backed up?
  • Reg: No.
  • George Jacqueline: You two met up and had a vodka?
  • Reg: No! The vehicle... and I won't show a flashback... the vehicle... hit me and he didn't stop for a few miles, so the vehicle dragged me underneath!
  • George Jacqueline: Oh, my!
  • Reg: Some time later...
  • (cut to another flashback)
  • Reg: Citizens, the police and an ambulance gathered around the crash with loads of lights. The driver of the vehicle was arrested, then they saw one of my legs sticking out and they called the fire brigade to help me out. But when they did, that one leg was the one thing of me that was there... as well as blood and... a kidney.
  • George Jacqueline: Wait, wait, wait...
  • (cut to the present)
  • George Jacqueline: You lost a kidney and a leg?
  • Reg: Yes. The vehicle managed to slice my leg off. (sticks a cane out of his cloak) That's why I have this cane to help me walk. And the kidney, I lost it after my side was badly crushed, causing the kidney to slide out of me in a graphic manner.
  • George Jacqueline: Wouldn't you have died?
  • Reg: No. Becuase you can live with one kidney.
  • George Jacqueline: Really? Maybe I should...
  • Reg: Don't think about it, kid. Anyway, since then...
  • (cut to another flashback)
  • Reg: I've lived in the backallies. People give me money so I can buy food and I sneak around the city making sure no one finds my true identity.
  • (cut to the present)
  • George Jacqueline: Well, Reg. I swear I won't tell anyone about what you just told me.
  • Reg: You swear?
  • George Jacqueline: Yep. Cross my heart. (lifts up his shirt and draws a cross on his chest with some chalk)
  • Reg: Good.
  • George Jacqueline: Do you erm... fancy going around the city for a while?
  • Reg: Well, OK. Remember not to tell anyone and don't take us anywhere that's really busy, like the Strawberry Mall or the giant toy shack outside of the Strawberry Mall.
  • George Jacqueline: Sure, we'll just go quiet places like the park and the old caravan site with the local car boot sale, which is only busy during weekends and maybe Static's Soup Shop for lunch.
  • Reg: OK, then. Let's go. (steps and his cane snaps) Oh, snap!
  • George Jacqueline: Bad pun...
  • (a Joke Rimshot Drum plays)
  • George Jacqueline: ...alert.
  • (they hear thunder)
  • George Jacqueline: Oh, sounds like rain. Good thing I have an umbrella in the car. And the car.
  • (the song Rhythm of the Rain by The Cascades plays and a montage shows George and Reg driving around the city in Lambert, Fizzo stamps Reg's cloak in respect, George and Reg stop by the car boot sale at the old caravan site and they look at items on sale - George brought a white watch and Reg brought a new cane, then they walk around the park past the cherry tree by Stephanie's bench and flower petals fall on them and they laugh)
  • (George and Reg are sitting on Stephanie's bench)
  • George Jacqueline: ...he never stops laughing and acting crazy. The only time he won't laugh is if YOU tell HIM a joke or a bad pun, because he only gets his own. And finally there's Craig, my best friend, who's really stupid and if you invite him round, lock up the fridge and the cupboards and then the kitchen while you're at it. Sometimes I picture him in a bedroom with Jamie Oliver and Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall. And then heading off into daylight with Dave and Si. And those last couple were near-rhymes. Technically. He's kind and helpful though.
  • Reg: Man, I've heard of the team's heroicness, but I've never heard anything about theeir actualy personalities before.
  • George Jacqueline: Yeah, my friends have interesting and different stories to themselves. Fancy some soup?
  • Reg: Yeah, why not?
  • (cut to Reg nearly driving Lambert into Static's Soup Shop, but brakes before he does)
  • George Jacqueline: Woah! Why did I let you drive?
  • Reg: I'm not sure.
  • (George and Reg walk inside the soup shop to the counter)
  • George Jacqueline: Yo, yo! Static!
  • Static: Ahh, George! How's my best customer?
  • George Jacqueline: Great, man!
  • Static: Who's your friend?
  • Reg: My name's Graham Coxon.
  • George Jacqueline: Graham Coxon? Isn't he the lead guitarist of Blur?
  • (Reg covers George's mouth)
  • Reg: Will you shhh...!
  • (Static stares looking puzzled)
  • George Jacqueline: *Muffled* Yes. Graham Coxon. That's his name, don't wear it out.
  • (Reg takes his hand off George's mouth)
  • Static: Anyway, what can I get you two?
  • George Jacqueline: I'll have a Minestrone soup please.
  • Reg: And get me... the spicy Mexican bean soup.
  • Static: George is fine, you sir I'm not sure, because I can't see any part of you but you're eyes...
  • George Jacqueline: Still creepy, huh?
  • Static: And you're holding a cane.
  • Reg: How does that concern anything?
  • Static: Errr... Can't explain. It's complicated. I'll get your soups.
  • (cut to George and Reg eating their soups)
  • Reg: Woo, this kinda spicy.
  • George Jacqueline: You need some milk? No dumb meme intended.
  • Reg: No. I'll use this. (gets out a bottle with a strange purple drink in)
  • George Jacqueline: *Whispers* Woah! Careful, Reg! Static hates outside drinks in the shop.
  • Reg: OK, I'll take a quick sip while he's still in the kitchen. (starts to open the bottle lid)
  • (smoke flies past George and he sniffs it)
  • George Jacqueline: Err... Reg?
  • Reg: (drinks some his drink) Ahh. Yes?
  • George Jacqueline: Can you smell smoke?
  • Reg: No. I don't smoke, George.
  • George Jacqueline: No, Reg. *Sniffs* That's not cigarette smoke.
  • (George looks at the counter and sees the door to the kitchen and smoke is coming out of it, then Static bursts out in a panic and everyone looks at him)
  • George Jacqueline: Hey, Static, what's up?
  • Static: The Steamer's back!
  • (the customers finish their soup quickly, then round around in panic and some leave the store)
  • George Jacqueline: The what?
  • Reg: George, we really should get out of here.
  • George Jacqueline: Yeah, hang on Reg. Static! What or who is The Steamer?
  • (the lights go out and the other customers, except for George and Reg run out of the shop)
  • (Static walks over and holds a torch to his face)
  • Static: The Steamer is a small creature that was initially created for experimental use.
  • (a flashback shows a science lab and two scientists doing tests of The Steamer)
  • Static: His body was made up entirely of magma, but while, dangerous, he was small and actually quite cute. But, then... something went horribly wrong. On December 3rd 1986, they were making tests to see if The Steamer was able to cure cancer, but one of the scientists spilt some dangerous chemicals all over him and he got bigger and grew large teeth and he began to roar! That was when, he went on a murderous rampage! He destroyed many buildings, killed 44 people and injured more than 600. And then, his final destination, was Mayor Goodley's house. When he entered, he destroyed many of the Mayor's belongings, destroyed a quarter of the house and even killed the Deputy Mayor. Goodley was badly injured, but he lived.
  • (Cut to the present)
  • Static: This meant new laws were added to Rainbow City. And now he's back.
  • George Jacqueline: How?
  • Static: Originally, we almost put him out, but he escaped, so he some how made it back into Rainbow City and into the kitchen.
  • (The Steamer comes out of the kitchen and roars)
  • Static: And there he is. Let's get out of here! Once you've finished you're soups.
  • (George and Reg drinks their soups from the bowls quickly and both sigh)
  • Static: Nice?
  • George and Reg: Yep.
  • (George, Reg and Static run out of the shop and The Steamer causes havoc inside and starts a fire)
  • (Many citizens in panic, the police and the fire brigade are outside)
  • Chief Andrew: OK, men. Hoses at the ready!
  • (Issac, Robby and Glacy hold up the hoses to the shop)
  • (Veenus and Deeran are on the news channel)
  • Veenus: Our top story today is that more than half the city are in fear as The Steamer which caused huge tragedy in December of 1986 has come back.
  • (Deeran is eating some cheesie puffs)
  • Deeran: Hmm? Oh, sorry. He's going wild in Static's Soup Shop, causing a massive fire which is requiring the entire of the fire brigade to put both the fire and The Steamer out. As of now, we don't know how he came back, but we'll get info on that as soon as we can.
  • (Craig, Sponghuck, Tyler, Scooter, Josie and Bash are watching the news on the TV right now)
  • Scooter: Oh, no!
  • Josie: This is bad.
  • Tyler: I hope George is alright.
  • (Sponghuck is eating popcorn, unconcerned)
  • Bash: Look!
  • (The TV shows the outside of the shop and the scene zooms in to George and Reg)
  • Bash: It's George!
  • (Stephanie comes running down)
  • Stephanie: What in the name of love is going... *Gasps* The Steamer's come back to life! That fiery monster that caused havoc and tragedy in 1986!
  • Bash: He's inside Static's Soup Shop and worse than that, George is there! Outside the shop, not inside.
  • Stephanie: We have to get him, quickly! Come on!
  • Craig: Let's go!
  • (Everyone except for Sponghuck runs out of the house)
  • Sponghuck: No, thank you. I'm gonna miss Countdown.
  • (cut to the fire brigade working together to try and put The Steamer and the fire in the shop out)
  • Issac: Woah! This fire's spreading like rumours!
  • Minty: Help!
  • Robby: Did you hear that?
  • Minty: Help, help!
  • Issac: Yes I did.
  • Static: Someone's trapped inside! *Gasps* Minty! Co-founder, cook... and my girlfriend.
  • Glacy: One of us will have to go inside!
  • Issac: Are you kidding me, the fire's spreading heavily now! Plus, we're made of ice! And Robby's... a penguin, so he would be OK going in.
  • Robby: Oh, no. Forget that.
  • (The Extraordinary Eight arrive near the scene)
  • Stephanie: There he is!
  • Tyler: I'll get him!
  • (cut back to George and Reg)
  • George Jacqueline: Reg, we have to go inside and save her.
  • Reg: What?
  • George Jacqueline: I'm part of a superhero team and YOU need to act like you're...
  • (Tyler's arm, shapeshifted really really long grabs George and pulls him back)
  • George Jacqueline: OOOOOOONNNNNNEEE... Woah!
  • Stephanie: Dude! (puts her hands on George's cheeks) Are you OK?
  • George Jacqueline: I'm fine. Steph, I need to...
  • Stephanie: No! We're taking you home right now.
  • (The team carry George back home)
  • George Jacqueline: Remember me, Reg!
  • Stephanie: Who's Reg?
  • Reg: Now what? *Gasps* Act like I'm part of a superhero team. Hey, you! (points to Chief Andrew)
  • Chief Andrew: What?
  • Reg: Are you the chief?
  • Chief Andrew: Yes.
  • Reg: Can you pass me a helmet? One with a visor?
  • Chief Andrew: OK. We need a bit more help putting out the fire. (passes Reg a helmet)
  • Reg: Oh... (puts the helmet on) I'm not going to put out the fire.
  • Minty: Help!
  • Reg: Help is on the way!
  • (Reg runs quickly into the store)
  • Chief Andrew: What?!
  • (Everyone is mumbling, some even cheering)
  • Issac: What's he doing?
  • Robby: I think he's going to save Minty!
  • (Reg is inside of the shop, which is covered in flames)
  • Reg: Hey, you! (points to Gavin who came running to the scene)
  • Gavin: *Screams* Me?
  • Reg: Come on in!
  • (Gavin runs in the store)
  • Gavin: What? *Screams* Fire! Fire! (sprays foam)
  • Reg: That's exactly what I was going to say. To the kitchen!
  • (Reg and Gavin run inside the kitchen and they see Minty curled in a corner coughing)
  • Minty: *Coughs* Help!
  • Reg: We're here!
  • Minty: Thank GOOOOOD!
  • (The Steamer roars)
  • Reg: Oh, my! Whatever your name is, take care of The Steamer, I'll grab Minty!
  • Gavin: Oh, no! The Steamer?! I can't take on him!
  • Reg: Come on! I can't get to both of them! Please?
  • Gavin: OK! I'll do it!
  • (Reg runs to Minty and helps her up)
  • Minty: Come on, get me out of here!
  • (Gavin puts out fires and gets soaked by the hose)
  • Gavin: *Spits* Fire engine water.
  • (The Steamer appears in front of him and roars)
  • Gavin: *Mumbles* No! I'm gonna do it! Take that!
  • (Gavin shoots foam at The Steamer, who gets more angry)
  • Gavin: Oh, my.
  • (Reg and Minty run out of the kitchen and then the store and Static appears and takes Minty off Reg)
  • Static: Minty!
  • Minty: Static!
  • (The Steamer follows Gavin out of the kitchen and the fire's nearly out; The Steamer roars again)
  • Static: Oh, thank you, cloaked up man.
  • Minty: You saved me. Thank you ever so much.
  • Reg: My pleas... Wait... The fire extinguisher dude's still in there... handling The Steamer!
  • Issac: Fire extin... Gavin?! We told him to stay at the fire station!
  • Chief Andrew: OK men, and woman, spray the water at The Steamer!
  • (Gavin sprays The Steamer, who starts to disappear and the water from the fire engine shoots it too and it starts to roar in pain)
  • (The hoses run out of water)
  • Issac: Nearly there. Oh, no! Chief, water out!
  • Chief Andrew: Gavin's still got plenty of foam! He'll finish it!
  • (Reg, Static and Minty look at each other in worry)
  • (Gavin sprays more foam and puts out The Steamer)
  • Gavin: The Steamer has been put out. Wait. (puts a final flame out) And so has the rest of the fire.
  • (Everyone cheers)
  • (Gavin walks out and high-fives Reg)
  • Reg: Nice work, man.
  • Gavin: Nice work to you as well.
  • (cut to Sponghuck watching the news on the TV)
  • Veenus: And this just in, Gavin Buckley a member of the Rainbow City Fire Department, also husband and father of 3 kids, has put out The Steamer once and for all and saved of the life of 20-year old Minty Megan Snow... with the help of a strange undentified man in a cloak, where only his eyes and a cane are visible. He staded he goes by the name of Francesco Rutelli, which we though was an Italian politician.
  • Sponghuck: Huh. Let's see if their showing the cricket now.
  • (cut to Molly, Mitchell and Mickey)
  • Mitchell: What excitment! A life saved on live TV and cricket afterwards! Bubble blows?
  • Mickey: Bubble blows it is!
  • (The three fish blow bubble in happiness)

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